Standard Model Lament

For Adriaan Buijs, Chuck Berry fan

Chorus 1:

Standard model, why are you so true?

Oh standard model, why are you so true?

What's a poor experimentalist to do?

Running my job on another fill

Standard model is standing still.

SGIs running fast and true

Got my code in every queue.

I don't think I will ever know

Why my chi-squareds are always low.

Chorus 2:

Standard model, why are you so true?

Oh standard model, why are you so true?

You do things a theory shouldn't do.

My understanding of the detector's poor

Hope a fast Monte Carlo's the cure.

Found about a one sigma effect

At least if HFITV's correct.

Think there ought to be some kind of law

That prohibits me from using PAW.

Chorus 1

Don't know why my job's taking so long.

Maybe I set up my GOTOs wrong.

Geneva's cloudy, it's started to rain

Think I'll do shift q again.

Rain water falling, keeps expanding the ring

Where can I find a big piece of string?

Chorus 2

Got one event that passes my cuts

Theoreticians will think I'm nuts.

Printer's fixed (I put in paper) now please

Photocopier make my transparencies.

Standard model is standing still

But I will find its flaw, I will.

Chorus 1 and fade